What a year it was in 2017. I should go all the way back to including most of 2016, as it all ties in together. Kind of like one big, long year that seems to never end. A ride that I’d like to get off now, but there’s a few miles to go still, and the seatbelt won’t unlatch. I am certainly not sorry to see the last two years go. I suppose it can only get better from here.
Every year at the New Year, people make these things called Resolutions. I typically have an adverse reaction to resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have goals for yourself, and what better time to make them than at the New Year. It’s supposed to be a time of reflection and a fresh start. In the past, I’ve always seemed to disappoint myself when I make one, as it usually turns out an empty promise to myself, and goodness knows I don’t want to make the cliched resolution. I actually made an attempt at a resolution for 2017. I had been sick and not writing, but I told myself I would write a little each day, whether it be a few words or only one sentence. I spent most of the time posting on Instagram with a few words, and it wasn’t every day that I did that. That was all you could get out of me then, and to this day. I feel like I let myself down a bit, but I’m not being too hard on myself.
My state of reflection started earlier this past year in the spring. Whether you want it to or not, there’s no doubt about it, a cancer diagnosis forces this upon you. You reflect upon life, and those that mean the most to you and how this cancer mess is affecting them as well. You feel sorry for yourself for a while, and then you are just trying to figure out how to get through the day. You think about how fortunate you were to hear those words, “cancer-free”, and thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t have to endure the worst – chemo and radiation. You think about those who have. You think about your friends and family who have passed away from this ugly disease, no matter what form. You worry that it will return, and that worry is constant. You’re grateful to all those who supported you through the worst, and trying to brush off those who didn’t.
Since I’ve already done quite a bit of reflecting, I haven’t found that resolution that feels like a goal I want to reach for. I’ve already jumped the biggest hurdle in life thus far. I can only continue to be kind to others, as there is always someone other than myself going through their worst days. I’m not going to make any promises to myself that I can’t make the effort to keep. I’m just going to let 2018 come and be what it decides to be. I will just get through each day as it comes, good or bad, and try to make each day count. Master the day.
You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax. Master the day. Then just keep doing that every day. ~Unknown